A babysitter can change a child’s destiny02.09.2019
We want to start this article with sharing on recently seen film ‘Hired mother’ (original name in Russian ‘Мама напрокат’). In this film, a mother leaves her family and her little daughter to her husband and grandmother. The little girl tires her father with questions and requests – ‘Where is my mother? When I am going to have a mother?’ The father shuffled.
One day, after seeing a haughty woman in a cafe, he decided to take her home so she would replace a mother and a babysitter to the little girl. He hoped that once experienced the woman’s harsh temper, his daughter would stop inquiring him about her mother and searching for her. However, the father’s intuition failed, since he assumed this woman to be a negative person from the very beginning. As it turns out, the little girl didn’t repel the babysitter. In fact, they grew into loving each other very soon. The first one to understand the compatible relationship was the girl. The grandmother also liked the babysitter.
As a truck driver, the father didn’t expect such a turnout. In shock he dismissed the babysitter. At the beginning he had warned her that she cannot fall in love with or get attached to anyone hare! Yet all things had come out naturally. When the babysitter was dismissed, the little girl ran off after her. The story ended with the babysitter becoming a mother to the girl and a wife to the father. In the new family all of them had compatible relationships (according to socionics). We advise everyone to watch this movie, especially those who have small children in the family.
Early in February, an article `Seven signs of a bad babysitter` appeared on a social network that caught the attention of socionics experts. There were a lot of guesses on the ways a babysitter should not be like, but our opinion was quite different in every of the seven points. That urged us to leave our comment after each of the signs. We cited a large portion of this article for readers in order to provide the backgrounds.
In the comments of practitioners of socionics, there is a lot of socionics terminology, yet it is difficult to avoid it. You have but to look through our homepage for understanding the sociotypes we are talking about. Please, trust us, as it will be worthy!
It will definitely be much easier for you, if you print out the Sociotype table in the section `What is socionics` and subchapter `The basics of socionics` and hold it in front of you while reading the article!
It is not always easy for parents to make decisions regarding the education and uprising of a child. One of the most important decisions – choosing a babysitter, since a babysitter is not only a person we let into our house and life, but we also trust them with the most precious thing – our child.
There are different ways of finding out if the babysitter is suitable for the job. You can trust your intuition or during the interview try to find out the babysitters thoughts on rising a child, considering the daily routine, snacks between meals and cartoons that ensure peace. Nevertheless, you have to remember that at the beginning every babysitter will try to leave the best impression possible.
People rarely have so good intuition for making decision in matters of babysitter suitableness after seeing and talking to her. In the previously mentioned film it is clearly evident, that the father’s intuition failed. That is the reason everyone needs to have an objective knowledge the abilities and character of every person that only socionics reveal.
There are parents who purchase different observation gadgets to see whether or not the babysitter can deal with her duties.
Such a way of control can only be done by a representative of the 2nd quadra, others wouldn’t even think about it.
However, such a way of observation has to be the last means, since there are a lot of signs that can tell whether the babysitter is appropriate for the job.
Even if the signs can be divided, they will still result from the positions of the sociotypes of the parents.
1. The child has become restless and nervous. Of course, there is not a babysitter that can replace the love and caring of a father or a mother. However, the child needs to feel that the babysitter is a friend. Yes, the child should love the nanny, since they have to spend a lot of time together. Since having a nanny is a great change in the life of a child, getting used to her should happen step by step and the first meetings should be held with one of the parents present. If after a day spent together with the nanny, the child becomes restless and nervous, maybe this nanny isn’t suitable for your child.
It might happen that the parents like the nanny because she is compatible to them according to socionics. In most of the cases the child doesn’t have the same sociotype as the parents. If between child and nanny there is an uncomforable relationship, the child can become nervous from her presence alone. The child might not be able to explain it, but he or she feels the compatibility or incompatibility even if the nanny tries to be sweet, kind and has been taken in with good recommendations.
2. The babysitter doesn’t account for the daily events. Coming home from work you probably want to hear a detailed and thorough account on the daily events. It doesn’t mean that you don’t trust the nanny; you simply want to find out what the chid has been doing all day. If the nanny considers this accounting unacceptable, if she says that today was the same as all the previous ones, then you should consider if the nanny is really suitable for your child. The nanny has to be able to explain what has happened, what the child has learned today, how he or she has felt. Otherwise, it may seem as if the child is left alone all day and not taken care of and entertained properly.
Actually only the sensor logical parents (Maxim, Zhukov, Shtirlitz) want to hear the accounts. However if the babysitter avoids such conversations, she is also probably one of the eight logical types. If she has managed her duties, discussing them seems like a waste of time to her. If the babysitter is a sensing logical type, she is able to carry out everything pedantically, so the parents would be satisfied. On the other hand, if the babysitter is an intuitive logical type, she doesn’t see the order of things in a room and does only necessary care of the child. Babysitters from these categories won’t give an account of the daily events.
3. Slight domestic traumas happen often. Unfortunately, children tend to be so fidgety, fearless, inattentive and full of new ideas, that it is almost impossible to protect them from al the bumps and stumbles. However, if on the watch of the babysitter whose only duty is to take care of the baby`s wellbeing and safety, he or she harms themselves often, it is worth considering if the nanny is really competent enough to do her job. Maybe the nanny does something else while the child is left alone in the room.
This nanny probably is an extravert intuitive type. It is a problem for her to concentrate her attention to the child for a long period of time. Perhaps she has found something more interesting to pass the time, for example, a magazine, a book or a TV show and has forgotten about the child. Nevertheless, she did not admit things to happen for wrong reasons. If the traumas repeat, the parents have to make a decision on the applicability of the nanny.
4. The babysitter doesn’t take into account your notifications. If you start to notice that the nanny doesn’t take into account your notifications, it is worth to think why it is so. Perhaps the babysitter think that she is more experienced and knowledge in rising a child; however, she has to take into account you notifications and rules.
In most of the cases, the babysitter is in a relationship that is not comfortable with the parents. She innerly ignores the notifications, and it is a sign that you should dismiss the babysitter. However, you should consider the fact that in another family she might be the best!
5. The babysitter is late a lot. If the babysitter is usually late for meetings, you have to consider her ability to do other duties. Of course, there might be unpredictable situations when a delay is acceptable, but it is not acceptable on regular basis, not considering your and your families time.
From our point of view, this babysitter is extrovert intuitive type. However, you have to keep in mind that this type of babysitter has a number of useful traits for bringing up a child that will be revealed at the end of this article.
6. The child is dirty and not spruce. If the first that has to be done after coming through the door is washing the child`s mouth and putting on clean clothes, than you seriously have to consider her ability to deal with the duties. If the child is dirty and filthy on regular basis it shows that the babysitter actually doesn’t care what happens to the child.
In this case as well the nanny must be one of the intuitive types. However, it is a false assumption that she doesn’t care about the looks of the baby; it is just that the looks are not that important to her. She focuses more on the development of creativity in the child. If you take a look at the home of the babysitter, you will easily recognize traces of an artistic chaos in her domestic things as well.
7. The account of the babysitter doesn’t match the reality. Perhaps. the nanny tells wonderful things every evening about the daily events and always finds a good explanation for all the bad things that have happened. However, if the truthfulness of the babysitter`s stories bring you to doubt, do something about it. A nanny has to be a completely trustworthy person, since you entrust to her the most precious treasure you have – your child.
Regarding how the babysitter should be like, there are as much opinions, as there are sociotypes! In the 2nd point it is said that the account should be given each day. Perhaps, that is the reason the babysitter feels a need to avoid an awkward situation and make up stories. She will have accounted with that. Here, the incompatibility between the parents and the babysitter according to socionics is also evident. However, ethical intuitive types are more inclined to tell exaggerate stories.
According to the meeting professional criteria all 16 sociotypes are divided into 4 groups:
First group – social types: Hugo, Dumas, Dreiser, Napoleon, characterized by strong sensing and ethics. These are naturally born nannies. They will take the best care after your child regarding comfort, cleanliness, and regular meals; she will be the first to notice changes in health condition and will keep an order in the apartment as well. She will talk to the children a lot developing their practical skills – drawing, singing, dancing, craftmanship (sawing, making things from plasticine etc.). She will teach the child how he or she has to behave in society, what is right and wrong. Se will tell about love, what does it mean to love animal and nature. They fell a need for order and cleanliness and will teach this to the child as well. This group really loves children and that is why they are the best nannies at home as well as in kindergartens. They are excellent teachers in primary school and care takers of elderly people. They will teach the child to take responsibility for actions.
Second group – humanitarian types: Esenin, Hamlet, Dostoevsky and Huxley, characterized by strong ethics and intuition. These babysitters will develop creativeness in the child, but not practical skills. They will search for talents in the child, urge him or her think, develop the child’s positive traits, make up interesting stories, performances, promote and create idealistic values in the child. They will put the practical side aside. They may not notice if the child’s mouth and clothes are dirty, if the things are scattered all over the place. They focus on development of individualistic sense of responsibility in child rather than on collective responsibility, and they avoid categorical statements when they must reproach child. They can set a task to the child, but they cannot ask for the task to be done properly. This group is more suitable for teaching children who had already received elementary education. However, it should be taken into account that any compatible child strongly attaches to her.
Third group – theoretical types: Don Quixote, Robespierre, Balzac, Jack, characterized by strong intuition and logics. This group is barely good for bringing up a small child, since they rarely know what to do with a small child or someone who is crying. In this group, the duties of nanny are carried out better by Balzac and Jack, yet we didn’t advice to take up this job for Robespierre and Don Quixote. Due to the peculiarities of language and communication style, these types have difficulties to talk with small children in similar language. On the contrary, representatives of this group are good high school teachers and university professors, especially in special and vocational subjects.
Fourth group – pragmatic types: Zhukov, Maxim, Shtirlitz, Gabin, characterized by strong sensing and logics. This group is also barely good for bringing up a small child. The often get confused in the presence of a small child. As they are inclined to leadership, they might consider the advice of the parents silly and unreasonable. They can grasp a child`s state of consciousness, but they equalize it to own perception. As parents, they really love their children. However, as representatives of aristocratic quadras, they accept others with difficulties. That is why their attitude towards the children can be more categorical and intolerant as towards their own children. However, they are the best rectors of educational institutions and professors at universities. We want to explain to you that we are trying to mention the strongest traits of the four types of each group in a simplified language. If this type doesn’t possess ethics as one of the main functions than he definitely cannot become a good nanny. Now we have given you an answer to the question `Why does the nanny talk to the child so rarely or doesn’t talk to him at all?`.
We hope that you understood which type of babysitters are the most suitable. First of all, these are members of the first group, the social types. Depending on the expectations of the parents, the representatives of second group can also be suitable.
If you care about domestic order, you should only choose a member of the first group.
If you care about the child`s spiritual development more then you have to choose a member of the second group.
Remember one thing – it is compatibility of nanny with the child that matters, not your compatibility, as nanny and children will have to spend time together daily. Often parents don’t have a compatible child, but the nanny can be compatible to the child. It is normal if the child will trust the nanny more than you.
Will salary affect the work of the nanny?
This profession is a calling that comes out from heart. As we stated before, members of the first group will do the work wholeheartedly. If the salary is too low, they might refuse to continue the work. In the second and third group where intuitive types are represented, the salary won’t affect the quality of the work. Nannies of the fourth group, sensing logical types might do only the most necessary things if the payment is lowered. If you are looking for a governess, we advise you to choose members only from the first and fourth groups.
For those who are sceptical about socionics or who prefer to find for a babysitter by own means, we advice to arrange the first meeting in her territory. Focus on the tidiness there, and draw conclusions. The first and fourth group representatives will have a perfect tidiness in their homes, unlike the members of the second and third group. Only if you are satisfied with the tidiness you should invite her into your home for meeting the child and discussing her duties.
As you understand, in this technical century you need to acknowledge much more than just your own profession. It is not so hard to learn socionics and it is invaluable for the sake of your children! However, if you feel as unable for learning socionics yourself, you can use the help of a specialist.