Conversations with parents02.09.2019

When starting a family life, how often do we think about what kind of parents we want to be? Just like everyone else?

It means that our daily life is always in a big hurry. Coming home we realize the exhaustion even though we still have to prepare a meal for the child. And it seems that the child hasn’t properly showered for days. The studies should also be looked at.

Sometimes we don’t even realize that, more than anything, our child wants to talk and ask something to discover the world. The child longs for caresses, love, attention, gentle touches, inspiring words. Despite all, we don’t have time, because we already sit in front of the TV or in a circle of friends waiting with a bottle of wine. The he child is left at home like quickly purchased item that can be easily placed in a corner. He won’t disappear! He is also allowed something from the forbidden fruit in order not to disturb anybody. This is the epidemic of the century – spending most of the day by the TV or computer.

If child rising is considered thoroughly that shouldn’t happen. On a different occasion the child can be scolded. However, we will be surprised by arguments of children, ‘Yes, but well when aunt Mary and uncle Peter visited you allowed me to do THAT!’

This shouldn’t be counted as a mark of parents who don’t love their children. However, this love cann’t interfere with the daily life of child. A child is something that happens and not always planned. Move on! Life will take its course!

Years go and pass by, and we realize we are going grey and we haven’t noticed the child growing up so fast. Has he been loved, caressed, and understood enough?

A 27 year old Robespierre came to a consultation, who had married an incompatible Esenin abroad (withdrawal relations). They have a four and a half year old son who doesn’t speak. The mother wanted to find out what to do for the child to start talking. We asked if she had loved the child enough. She claimed that they had loved him enough, since he has been fed and taken care of. When asked how did she express her love and has she picked him up, caressed him, hugged him, talked to him while he was crying, she replied that she doesn’t like to show her affection. She considers it unnecessary and didn’t touch him a lot. When he cried she put him into a corner in another room. She doesn’t understand how to talk to a child who is crying. At the same time, the child had to see the disagreements and even fights in the family.

Of course, she was explained that she has to work a lot with the child and show physical affection as well as look at him slowly pronouncing words until he eventually starts talking. The young mother answered that she probably won’t be able to do that and didn’t even come to the next consultation. Where is the mothers love in this situation?

In some families (usually – compatible according to socionics) the child grows up in a calm environment, in others (incompatible) the child creates trouble. A time comes when we think what if I had thought or done that back then…

Because suddenly we see a teenager who has grown up unlike we had expected! And then we wonder where has the child come from? How did he manage to mature before time?

However, we were the ones who pushed him to grow up and become independent just so he wouldn’t disturb us, because we didn’t have time for him. We supported the child financially, but let him make the decisions so he wouldn’t disturb us so much. We gave a chance to become independent, at the same time stealing away a part from childhood and creating an environment for the child to grow up faster.

We missed help, understanding, support, game with the child. The child needs more than bedding and money. Then finally we think, what could we do to make things better.

Have we done enough for the child, making him or her to feel happy while growing up? Or did we just play with the child as a live doll a couple of times until he or she learned to express own wishes. But how did we act when he or she was sad? Did we become the closest person to the child? Did the child feel enough of physical warmth closely against our body? It was both – an honour and a privilege to become that. And a never-ending happiness we realize only when ageing.

Have we done enough for the child, making him or her to feel happy while growing up? Or did we just play with the child as a live doll a couple of times until he or she learned to express own wishes. But how did we act when he or she was sad? Did we become the closest person to the child? Did the child feel enough of physical warmth closely against our body? It was both – an honour and a privilege to become that. And a never-ending happiness we realize only when ageing.

 

For further reading we suggest an article “What side should I take in?”