Which side should I take?02.09.2019
Any person feels happy, being able to love. Children are like a crown that comes out of love between two people. There is no fulfilment in life without children. In the majority of families a child is cherished and awaited as a miracle that complements and fulfils a marriage, thus being the one who inherits and continues their ideas of life.
Regardless of the number of children born in a family, the parents raise them according to their sociotype. Everyone thinks that is the most appropriate way and act almost automatically.
There are four groups in socionics – quadras, each of them has different values and approaches for bringing up a child. What happens when sociotypes of child and parent are different and even adherent to different quadra? Parents impose their approach for solving issues that doesn’t match with the interests of the child. Child manifests rebellion to the parents, fails to accept their advice, objections and prohibitions. It comes to light clearly between the age of 12 and 14, when our offsprings start to develop own thoughts, make comparisons and judgements, defend own beliefs and righteousness, set own rules.
Why does the child develop a different view of life and values?
That is inherited with the sociotype.
When children act differently than we have told them to, fail and fall, even if we have warned them, we want to scold them. However, each of the time we should ask ourselves, `Which side am I in? Which side will I take – the child’s or the truth’s?`
If we are really on the child’s side, than we won’t remind him, `Yes, I already warned you!`. This kind of offense will be twice as painful for the child, since he or she already feels bad about the failure. The stroke he or she receives will worry and humiliate him or her even more and will make the child feel hopeless and alone.
Let us remember that each of us make mistakes, although we are adults.
Taking the child’s side, we will definitely feel sorry of him or her and say, `Oh, honey, your misfortune hurts you a lot! But I want and can help you! Don’t worry, I am right here beside you!`
A child has to grow and hurry to live, thus there is no way to avoid failures. We cannot forget and deny the mistakes of our childhood when we heard the terrible words ourselves, `I warned you not to do that!` Let’s avoid hurting the child’s soul, so he or she wouldn’t feel even worse. Then we will be on our child’s side. These words don’t raise a child, they humiliate and disrupt the belief and self-consciousness of the child. As a result, the child becomes cruel, which within years leads to a rude attitude towards all people.
Can you imagine the feeling when stumbling in a public place? You rise your head and notice, `It hurts, but I feel shamed for being weak and stumbling`. However, a child feels twice bad as an adult.
A lot of customs and rising methods that have grown roots in the society have become obsolete. We don’t have to be ashamed that we raise our child in a different way than the majority. The knowledge of socionics allows us to have a different approach to each of the sociotypes. That is not easy! However, if we really do love our children and want to prevent traumatic events, than it is possible to soften our expectations towards them. We are the most precious people in the whole world to our children.